I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this beer tastes like vomit already
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
