drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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