Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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