one two three fourrrrnication!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
