It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
