its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
