its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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