At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
