Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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