Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Barsexuality is the new black.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
