Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
