my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
