Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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