You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
