I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
