Dual....:-)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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