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thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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