please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
