i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
