I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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