Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I love having hate sex.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
