he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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