Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
