Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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