Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
