i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
