butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
