I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize