that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ruined the universe
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
