its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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