I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
