so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
