You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
