I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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