apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
