My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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