if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
