We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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