If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
