my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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