How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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