The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
