Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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