i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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