Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
