i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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