I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
