So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
