Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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