I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
