How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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