booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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