id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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