I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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