I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
