so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
