TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
