The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
