can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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