i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we're making bets on your personal life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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