I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
