Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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