We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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