Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
