just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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