I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
