I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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