porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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