You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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