Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
