got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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