I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
