So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
