I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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