dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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