Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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