Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
