I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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