Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
