What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
