Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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