She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
