Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
