Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
